So thats how its supposed to be? You meet a guy, he's attracted to you and he's supposed to pursue you. If only it were that easy as people make it seem. Is it so wrong to expect something more than that? Even the pursuit itself. If your going to pursue me at least make a consistent effort. Neither of us has the time in different senses of the word to mess around. This is either make it work or don't. Also talk to me. Don't assume I know what your thinking. Men know women are always thinking and obsess over the smallest things. Like teachers used to say in elementary school "pretend I'm an alien from another planet, tell me what you'd say". If thats what it comes down to then so be it. I can't function like a sane human being with this burden.

I feel the need to post. I'm just so overwhelmed with everything going on around me I can't think straight let alone do anything. Driving yesterday I was awful so distracted I surprised myself that I didn't get into an accident. The concept of 6 degrees of separation has always kind of mesmerized me. How people know each other through each other and sometimes you don't even realize how people know each other. Without Facebook seeing mutual friends between people who knows if you'd ever really know all the friends you have in common or be able to keep in touch with friends as easily as we do. I just discovered last night that a friend I've known essentially my entire life has a new girlfriend that went to prom with someone I went to college with. The world just gets smaller and smaller every day. It feels weird that I'll be leaving it all again soon enough. New friends, new environment, new classes, new advisors, new activities, new adventures, new reasons to be busy like I won't even believe & I'll think how much I hate it again and then realize how much more I hate having nothing to do and no purpose for each day & just go along with my ridiculous list of things to do. I'll secret love it but maybe not so secretly, I'll try to make an effort to smile every day and enjoy everything that going on around me because that's what life is about isn't it? Enjoying what you're doing and finding happiness amongst it all. Because if we're not happy than really why are we doing what we're doing? I guess I thought a few months ago I was 'happy' but now I don't even like to think about it. I feel like an outsider in something I came to know so well and its a bittersweet feeling. I miss it and wanted so badly to go back but now that I'm at peace I'm content with the way things are. Do I have regrets? Of course but to dwell on them only makes the situation worse. I say never regret anything that once made you smile. To think back, every day no matter how miserable I was on the outside I laughed at least once whether I wanted to or not and at the end of the day whether I was smiling or not I knew I made someone else smile. That makes everything worth it to me.

Funny how things work out. Things change every day. Legit. EVERY SINGLE DAY. Things you think may last a long time may be gone the next day whatever it is. One day you could be with someone the next day not. Sometimes it might be karma but who's to say whether anything is or not. It's all a game this ridiculous life & trying to find meaning in it. People or song lyrics same thing whatever that things fall apart so they can later fall together. Whether I believe that or not I'm still not sure but who knows fate works in mysterious ways.