What do you do when you're not sure what to do? It's like everything is up in the air right now and just too far out of reach to catch it. I'm learning the ropes of a new job and its like the friendly environment I pictured on the outside isn't so friendly on the inside. I don't know how to fix it I'm a nice person and try to be polite in this professional setting but its like you have to be the bad guy in most situations. I guess I'm not used to having to be such a mean person without knowing anyone. One of the girls I just finished training with had said she knew someone who worked there before and had an issue with her supervisor and ended up being let go because she "wasn't a good fit". Maybe I'm not a good fit. Maybe this industry isn't really what I want or what I thought it was. It's just all so overwhelming when you start out and don't know anything so it seems like everything you do is wrong. That's the worst feeling ever.

sigh

My dreams have officially been taken over by work. The kids are characters in whatever stories my head can come up with. It's like I'm losing my mind. I come home exhausted emotionally and that causes physical exhaustion and I don't know where to pick myself back up. I'm dealing with emotionally disturbed kids and I come home with the same attitude.

Old Habits

Back into my old groove of things. Spending my days doing absolutely nothing. The different part about this time is I really with all my heart wish I was working. It's like a tease when you go to work for 3 weeks straight going going going all the time and then you stop and it just feels weird. Like someone put the breaks on but you feel like you should still be going but you're not. It's an awful feeling. It's like I'm being cheated out of something which if you look at it a certain way I am. This is my dream, my passion. Helping people realize their potential and helping them reach those goals is essentially my life's goal. I just know this is what I'm meant to do. I don't feel connected to my friends anymore. I'd rather be connected to my work. It's a selfish thing to say but in the end its a risk you have to take.